140 characters is a terrible place for theological arguments—but an amazing place for humor. I often find myself laughing out loud (or trying to hide it) on Twitter when reading jokes, looking at memes, or seeing a chart that can vividly describe reality without words.
Below is a list of my 15 favorite funny Christian accounts to follow on Twitter and some of their best tweets. Chances are you’ve seen a few retweets from these accounts. If you have any to add, share a link and a sample tweet in the comments section.
1. Church Curmudgeon (@ChrchCurmudgeon)
Catholics have more children; Protestants have more sects.
— Church Curmudgeon (@ChrchCurmudgeon) June 15, 2015
I'm just like Moses. I get angry when I show up and find people serving de caf.
— Church Curmudgeon (@ChrchCurmudgeon) July 20, 2015
If the feeding of the five thousand had been at the end of the book of Acts, it could have been done with bacon.
— Church Curmudgeon (@ChrchCurmudgeon) July 11, 2015
2. Legalist Lloyd (@LloydLegalist)
God puts some people in our lives to help us reach certain milestones and others to help give us certain kidney stones.
— Lloyd Legalist (@LloydLegalist) July 18, 2015
One benefit of following me on Twitter is the ongoing reminder that, even during your darkest days, someone cares. Not me, but someone.
— Lloyd Legalist (@LloydLegalist) July 15, 2015
We are awesome! pic.twitter.com/WsK3tWHMCB
— Lloyd Legalist (@LloydLegalist) July 8, 2015
3. Fake John Piper (@FakeJohnPiper)
Gonna need each of you to sow one small seed so I can rent a car to drive down and smack Creflo Dollar.
— fakejohnpiper (@fakejohnpiper) March 17, 2015
Chris Tomlin really puts me in the mood. I listen and I'm like "Awww, yeah. That's some disciple-making music right there."
— fakejohnpiper (@fakejohnpiper) July 22, 2013
JOURNAL ENTRY: Not being a pastor is tough. Extreme urge to start seashell collection. Must fight for joy.
— fakejohnpiper (@fakejohnpiper) June 3, 2015
Note: This account doesn’t appear to be as active as it once was.
4. Hip Hop Augustine (@HipHopAugustine)
we the clay He the potter we the kids He the Father we thirst He the water hunger He the fodder He the finisher, starter hope of the martyr
— Augustine of Hiphop (@hiphopaugustine) May 26, 2015
put ya pride to the side if you wanna abide in the arms open wide: Christ crucified
— Augustine of Hiphop (@hiphopaugustine) July 8, 2015
death was like a prison till the Lord had risen the grave said No Exit till the Lord resurrexit
— Augustine of Hiphop (@hiphopaugustine) April 5, 2015
5. Bitter Blue Betty (@BitterBlueBetty)
Life Hint: Any conversation that starts with "I took this test on Facebook…" is not going to end well…
— BitterBlueBetty (@BitterBlueBetty) June 25, 2015
When you say "God is pruning you" to someone my age, it means something quite different, but with the same general effect.
— BitterBlueBetty (@BitterBlueBetty) June 1, 2015
Once had a friend named Joyce who died and her husband found a second wife named Joyce… He rejoiced. . .
— BitterBlueBetty (@BitterBlueBetty) April 9, 2015
6. Fake J.D. Greear (@FakeJDGreear)
It's firegrace, not fireworks.
— Fake J.D. Greear (@FakeJDGreear) July 5, 2015
"STOP POSTING YOUR STUPID OPINIONS ON FACEBOOK!!!" – people with stupid opinions on Facebook
— Fake J.D. Greear (@FakeJDGreear) June 30, 2015
I agree that your "Church Discipline Cheer" is catchy, but "2-4-6-8, who can we excommunicate?" sort of misses the point.
— Fake J.D. Greear (@FakeJDGreear) June 29, 2015
7. Christian Hipster (@ChristnHipster)
"how was the date?" "not good" "how so?" "i thought she was a proverbs 31 woman, turns out she's a proverbs 7 woman" "close one"
— Christian Hipster (@ChristnHipster) June 27, 2015
hey christian girl, i couldn't help but notice your heart is like the 10/40 window…unreached
— Christian Hipster (@ChristnHipster) July 21, 2015
earlier this summer i planted tomatoes and jalepenos but so far only weeds are growing, thanks adam
— Christian Hipster (@ChristnHipster) July 18, 2015
8. Celebrity Pastor (@CelebrityPastor)
You haven't done Easter until you've fired peeps at 120mph into your congregation.
— Celebrity Pastor (@CelebrityPastor) April 5, 2015
— Celebrity Pastor (@CelebrityPastor) February 24, 2015
Just got the word "playa" tattooed on my neck. In Hebrew.
— Celebrity Pastor (@CelebrityPastor) June 17, 2014
9. Relevant Church Guy (@MrChurchGuy)
Public Service Announcement for Teenagers Going to Camp: Cologne, Perfume, and Deodorant are not proper substitutes for a shower with soap.
— Relevant Church Guy (@MrChurchGuy) June 22, 2015
Keep the worship leader humble. Make sure he leads songs for VBS.
— Relevant Church Guy (@MrChurchGuy) July 2, 2015
If Revelation was written now, the church names would be like: CrossPointe, Journey, Grace, Revolution, Discovery, 3Sixteen, and Celebration
— Relevant Church Guy (@MrChurchGuy) May 20, 2015
10. Hood Spurgeon (@HoodSpurgeon)
When you visit a church with expository preaching. pic.twitter.com/iv00Eoxf4u
— HOOD SPURGEON (@hoodspurgeon) June 16, 2015
When you hear someone talking about Jesus pic.twitter.com/1zmocizqEt
— HOOD SPURGEON (@hoodspurgeon) June 25, 2015
11. Back Row Believer (@BackRowOnline)
New Bible-Quoting Rule #1: You can't quote Matthew 7:1 (Judge not…) without quoting the entire chapter.
— The Back Row (@BackRowOnline) June 29, 2015
So, the choir can wear robes to church but I can't wear my Snuggie?
— The Back Row (@BackRowOnline) July 19, 2015
Apparently, Miracle Whip is just a condiment and doesn't heal blindness or diseases.
— The Back Row (@BackRowOnline) July 14, 2015
12. Anonymous Baptist (@AnonBaptist)
Thanks to a misprint, our Catholic friends might enjoy coming to our Vatican Bible School, next Monday – Friday.
— Anonymous Baptist (@anonbaptist) June 25, 2015
If church gets you riled up against gays, the ACLU, or democrats but leaves you ambivalent about Satan, you might be in the wrong church.
— Anonymous Baptist (@anonbaptist) May 31, 2015
Adults, just because you fit in with teenagers doesn't mean you're called to youth ministry. It could just mean you're immature.
— Anonymous Baptist (@anonbaptist) March 8, 2015
13. Rev. No Respect (@RevNoRespect)
I don't worry about being overweight. I'm perfect just how the lard made me.
— Unappreciated Pastor (@Rev_Norespect) June 27, 2015
There's gonna be a lot of surprised people when they get to heaven and the only thing trending is Jesus.
— Unappreciated Pastor (@Rev_Norespect) July 15, 2015
When he said "How's it feel to work one day a week?" I should've said "How's it feel to worship one day a week?"
— Unappreciated Pastor (@Rev_Norespect) July 16, 2015
14. St. AugOsteen (@StAugOsteen)
This, then, was the situation: the whole mass of the human race stood condemned, lying ruined and wallowing in evil. Be encouraged today.
— St. AugOsteen (@StAugOsteen) June 25, 2015
Every morning, declare, “Something good is going to happen to me today.” Every inordinate affection should bring its own punishment.
— St. AugOsteen (@StAugOsteen) July 21, 2015
Thus it was that the human race was bound in a just doom and all men were children of wrath. It’s easy to get discouraged.
— St. AugOsteen (@StAugOsteen) June 30, 2015
15. Coolvinism (@Coolvinism)
Ever hear a parent yell at a tee ball game, "It's ok, you're a winner!" But inside you're like, "No, Jimmy, you're totally depraved."
— Coolvinism (@coolvinism) June 3, 2015
If you don't recognize your Bible without an Instagram filter, you're doing it wrong.
— Coolvinism (@coolvinism) July 3, 2015
Did you know pirates are serious about their theology? They're Arrrrminians.
— Coolvinism (@coolvinism) July 11, 2015
Honorable Mention and the New Comer Award: @PastorBill15
— Pastor Bill (@PastorBill15) July 14, 2015
— Pastor Bill (@PastorBill15) July 17, 2015
The number of Twitter followers I have has doubled today. My ministry is being observed by a great cloud of witnesses. #scripture
— Pastor Bill (@PastorBill15) July 14, 2015