Lust and pornography are major issues in our world.
The Arizona State Senate recently passed a bill calling pornography a public health crisis because it “perpetuates a sexually toxic environment that damages all area of our society.” Pornography use plagues the church, keeping many from faith and others from communion with Christ. Many struggling believers and even a few unbelievers have contacted me for help with their addiction, presumably because of this article on the subject. (I always direct people to a pastor in a local church—a random blogger a half-a-world away with other full-time responsibilities isn’t very helpful!)
My friend, Benjamin Vrbicek, recently released a book called Struggle Against Porn: 29 Diagnostic Tests for Your Head and Heart with Rainer Publishing. The book has an impressive list of endorsements including Tim Challies, Drew Dyck, and Tim Chester. I invited him on to the blog to share more about the book and encourage those who are struggling.
- You joked on a podcast recently that you only write books that you can’t read in public (a book on the job-search process for pastors and this one on battling pornography). Why did you write this book, and what does the title mean?
More than a few times the guys at our church office teased me about it. “Benjamin,” they’d ask, “how’s your pornography book going?” “It’s not a pornography book,” I’d respond. “It’s a book to help men struggle against it.”
But in all seriousness, I began to study this topic, not because I was frustrated with the men in my church, but because I was frustrated with myself as a pastor. I knew many were struggling with pornography, yet in discipleship and counseling meetings I didn’t think I was very helpful. Long before this material became a book, I just wanted to become a more helpful pastor.
In the title I use the word “against.” I chose that word intentionally. In my experience, many men have a struggle “with” pornography, meaning they are fairly passive, almost victim-like in their struggle. I wanted to help guys be proactive and struggle against porn, not with it.
The subtitle uses the language of “diagnostics,” which is a car metaphor. If you have a problem with your car, a mechanic will hook it up to a computer to see what’s wrong. I wanted to write a book that gave men a chance to consider at an array of issues so they could better slay lust and cultivate love.
- Many people don’t realize how lust and porn aren’t just about sex. What are some of the underlying issues prominent that make porn such a lure?
You’re right, Kevin. Often porn isn’t mainly about lust in the same way ninety minutes of mindless scrolling through Instagram isn’t about keeping up with friends. The deeper struggle could be some combination of pride and isolation, or a poor understanding of grace, or no fear of God, or repeated life discouragements, or an addictive personality, or a wound from a father—and on and on the list could go. And because the problem is multifaceted, the solution will be too.
- While we don’t often talk about pornography in church, we might still be tempted to ask, “Do we really need more books and blog posts about pornography?”
I think we do.
“Really?” you might respond. “Don’t we have books like Every Man’s Battle, which has sold a few million copies, and Sexual Detox, and Finally Free, and a dozen others, as well as countless blog posts?”
Let me park on the car metaphor a bit longer to explain. When I drive from my house to work, in less than a minute I hit Route 22. There’s a section of this road just over two miles long that has nineteen places that either sell cars, parts, or perform vehicle repair. Nineteen! Monroe Muffler, AutoZone, Goodyear Auto, Sears Auto Center, Jiffy Lube, National Tire & Battery, Meineke Car Care Center, and a dozen others. How do they all stay in business? Well, I’m sure some do better work than others. This I actually know from experience! But they can all stay in business because there are just that many cars needing repair.
In the same way, there a lot of people in every local church who struggle with porn. We need books that sell tons of copies but also little, one-car garage books that can offer personal care. We need pastors and authors, fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, teachers and construction workers who will strive to drink deeply of the fountain of joy called the gospel and help others do the same.
- Many see the importance of accountability in fighting pornography but don’t know how to foster healthy accountability relationships. What would be your recommendation?
I wrote a short chapter about accountability in the book because it’s such a vital part of the struggle. I even wrote a free ebook to help people work through some of the issues, which you can get on my website (here).
The short answer is that most accountability relationships tend to fade or fizzle out over time. And when they do last, they can often become moralistic: if I’m doing good, then God loves me, and if I’m doing bad, he doesn’t. I think when people begin with clear ground rules and commit to a certain length of time, say, to meet weekly for six months, then you’re starting in a good direction.
Also, accountability groups should not focus exclusively on the struggle with porn. We’ve noticed at our church is that when accountability groups focus too much on sexual sin and not a person’s broader relationship with God, the cultivation of Christian maturity, and all-around joy in the gospel, then accountability groups can do more harm than good. If porn is a big problem for a person, then exclusive, intense focus on the problem isn’t always the best approach. A broader, more holistic approach will often be more fruitful.
- If you could encourage a Christian battling lust in 100 words or less, how would you do it?
First, get your sin into the light. That doesn’t mean you tell everyone about your struggle, but it does mean you strategically tell a few people who can help. Sin patterns don’t get better when you hide them in the dark—they grow. Second, fear the potential consequences of unchecked sin more than you fear what people will think of you. Finally, know that there is no sin so dark, so debilitating, so deadly that cannot be forgiven by Christ.
One more thing, Kevin, I created 10, short videos to help men “jumpstart” their struggle, especially if they have lost hope in fighting the battle. If a guy thinks he needs help, he can grab them here.
Thanks for interviewing me, Kevin. And thanks for being an encourager to me as I wrote this book. Almost three years ago I tweeted out a potential table of contents, and you responded positively in the comments. That meant a lot to me.
My pleasure, Benjamin! Thanks for making a resource so helpful for Christ’s church. My prayer is that your book would lead many men and women to experience freedom from lust and deeper joy in Christ.
You can read Benjamin’s blog at Fan and Flame or follow him on Twitter. He was recently a guest on the Missions Podcast talking about why porn is the killer of missions. Check it out or listen below.
